


The Adventures of Teacher

by CaptObvious6003



Category: Nekopara
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Gen, Humor, Inappropriate Behavior, Inappropriate Humor, Not Serious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 19:46:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6128089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptObvious6003/pseuds/CaptObvious6003
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teacher and a Protag-kun have arrived through a portal into another alternate reality. Now our heroes must complete the plot of this world or have this universe collapse. What will they do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Teacher

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I feel like I should preface this. My friend and I love to read visual novels together and voice all of the characters. Usually my friend voices the protagonist and I voice the majority of the other characters. One character I voiced was simply named "Teacher" from Sakura Swim Club and I loved doing his voice. He basically sounds like a 50 year old chain smoker from New York. In fact we loved that character so much that we made him pop up in other games we voiced. Rarely do we stick to the actual plot of these games. Most of the time we make up our own subplots through out the game with the various characters we come up with, and Teacher is the most common recurring character. So, one drunken night we theorize that Teacher is this transdimensional traveler who pushes the various protagonists forward in their stories. Later in the night, even more inebriated we wrote this; one line at a time as our characters, completely improvised. It made us laugh, so maybe it'll make one of you laugh. Or, at the very least, it'll make some say "What the Fuck?" which would also be pretty cool.

Protag-kun: This is gay...

Teacher: Are you retarded?

Protag-kun: This was your idea… Now look what you’ve done… She is dead

Teacher: I told you to ask for directions… you shot her 37 times in the chest

Protag-kun: I did ask for directions. You whipped your dick out and slapped her with it. She went crazy. I had to put her down

Teacher: My dick was positive reinforcement. Just look at it.

Protag-kun: It was rude is what it was. Now we have to dispose of the body. I’m assuming that’s my job

Teacher: It’s not rude, it customary for my people. Now fucking move the corpse dipshit.

Protag-kun: Fine. how about you stop being a lazy bum and help. Grab her head. I’ll get the feet.

Teacher: I’ll grab the head, but I’m not putting my pants back on. My boner is too majestic for that.

Protag-kun: Typical..

[protag-kun continues to drag the body as Teacher doesn’t help. He stops when he reaches a deep dark bottomless pit]

Teacher: Another whore for the whore dumping pit

Protag-kun: These ‘whores’ had families. They had lives. Before you ruined everything.

[Protag-kun dumps body]

Teacher: You can’t think of whores as people, Protag 009. They’re just noisy mobile vaginas.

[Protag-kun stares at teacher in silence]

Protag-kun: What?

Teacher: [Burps violently] You’ll understand when you get to my age

Protag-kun: how old are you again?

Teacher: [Pauses, slightly cross eyed] I forget.

[Protag-kun shakes his head in disappointment]

Protag-kun: Look. Face it. We’re lost and now, no one is here to give us directions. You need to take me back to my world... fag

Teacher: Listen here you little fuck, I know exactly where we are. We’re… somewhere in another alternate reality. As soon as we fix the plot here we can go back to your universe, dipshit.

Protag-kun: Alternate reality my ass. What kind of alternate reality is this? looks just like another regular place to me.

Teacher: You see, that’s why you’re a fucking retard. These realities are always deceptive. Who fucking knows, maybe the protag here has a vagina, maybe they’re are reptilian nazis, maybe they’re not a complete dumbass and a disappointment. You knows, anything’s possible [drools slightly]

Protag-kun: I don’t care what reality this is. I just need you to take me back home. Back to my plot. Where I belong. and you called me protag 009. How many of us are there?

Teacher: There are at least 28… no wait… 27 now. 

Protag-kun: nani? 

Teacher: Get that weeb shit out my face you fucking ass hat.

Protag-kun: Fine. No weeb shit. Can you at least for the love of god tell me how to get home. I can do it myself.

Teacher: I’d like to see you try you fucking down syndrome monkey. We need to resolve this universe’s plot… somehow. Then we can leave this shit hole

Protag-kun: I’ll play your little game, you inebriated turtle fucker. How do we fix the plot? What is even wrong with it?

Teacher: First off, fuck you, I only fucked like three turtles. Second, the problem is that the protag is another dip shit like you. We’ll need to get the fucker to stick his little pecker into one of the heroines.

Protag-kun: That’s it? Piece of cake…

[bushes rustle in the distance]

Protag-kun: Dafuq is that?

Teacher: Come at me scrublord I’m ripped.[rips shirt and exposes beer belly]

[bushes stop rustling]

Protag-kun: … I think you scared it...or more likely confused it… It probably thinks you’re some retarded caveman.

[From out the bushes, Milk emerges]

Teacher: Oh fuck my life.

Milk the sexy catgirl: Sup fuckers. What you doin’ in my lands?

Teacher: Tryin’ to get a dipshit laid. The fuck you want?

Milk the sexy catgirl: Your soul…

[Protag-kun use his secret ninja art “demote name status” jutsu]

Milk the not so sexy catgirl: sersly?

Teacher: [coughs up a lump of mucus] What did I say about that weeb shit?

[Protag-kun use his secret ninja art “ignore” jutsu]

Milk the not so sexy catgirl: Who is this weeb?

Teacher: Some asshole who got caught up with me in the portal. [Sudden realization passes across his face] Where’s that cat with the huge tits that sounds like a whale?

[Totally unsuspecting cardboard box shakes in the distance. It makes whale noises when you touch it]

Protag-kun: I think. She might be. In. That. Box….

Teacher: Don’t be fucking stupid. Didn’t you read the stage direction, the box is totally unsuspecting.

Unsuspecting Box: Yea didn’t you read the stage direction [whale noises ensue]

Milk the not so sexy catgirl: … [in the background] plz change my name back…

[Protag-kun uses secret ninja art “rename” jutsu]

Milk: This will do. I suppose...

Teacher: Okay, you little psycho bitch, you give me the box and I’ll give this weeb ass hole.

Protag-kun: wh-wha- whaaaat?! Why? ey fuck you mang. I don’t even want to be here. 

Teacher: Okay, okay, since this little bitch is a fucking pussy, how about I give you like, five bucks for the box.

[Milk contemplates the offer, But Teacher snatches the box and runs off (retardedly)]

Milk: What the fuck dude. Not cool. 

Teacher: [Breathing heavily] Syke bitch. [Trips and lands on his face] Fuck my ass

[Milk follows from behind] 

Milk: [lewd face ensues] Oh… I will…

Teacher: [Tosses the box to protag] Not this time fucker.

Unsuspecting Box: [Alarmed whale noises]

Protag-kun: [Alarmed whale noises]

Milk: [Alarmed whale noises]

Teacher: [Confused whale noises and goes cross eyed]

TOO BE CONTINUED… Will our heroes survive milk’s onslaught? WHAT is in that box? HOW MUCH is what is inside worth? Find out… NEXT POKEMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
